18
Aug

Just For Fun

By OBW 2 Comments
Categories: Sex

I am one of those females who absolutely loves sex; I love the feeling, the motions, the sounds…everything about it. As I age, however, I have come to determine that I have to have some kind of connection with the person I’m having sex with. I just am not into casual sex anymore.

I discovered this with the last person I slept with. It was a complete disaster. I found myself displeased with everything that he did, and although I cannot speak for him, his attitude told me that he wasn’t that into me either. We had no connection, other than wanting the sex. I don’t even think we were all that attracted to each other; it was a case of he was available, I was available…hey, let’s fuck! This “thing” had me questioning myself, doubting who I was, and asking if I was doing something wrong. I finally settled on the fact that I wasn’t interested for a few reasons:

  1. I didn’t really feel him like that. Don’t get me wrong, the sex was alright, but just alright. I was used to sparks and fireworks. When there is action going on in the bedroom, I expect there to be action, you know? It always seemed as if he was holding something back. Which leads me to…
  2. He had all these hangups. He wouldn’t sit on the bed in his clothes, he didn’t do foreplay (WTF??), and other shit I won’t go into. All this shit was a complete turnoff.
  3. I was more bored than anything. I decided on sex with this guy to ease my boredom. I had been celibate for about 3 years and wanted to not be celibate anymore. I chose him because he looked like he could deliver. Plus, his reputation was that he was a freak. I was wrong on all accounts. Or should I say, he may have been a freak…I just wasn’t privy to that side of him.

After we got into an argument and I put his ass out of my house, I had to take a long and hard look at what was going on in my life and decide that casual sex was just no longer what I wanted. I remember what it felt like to have a connection with someone and share an intimacy with them. All of the feelings and emotions tied in with that. Even if it is a budding friendship or relationship, that’s fine with me. As long as I can feel a connection, I’m cool. But I have to feel something in order to give up the panties. You can call me an old hag, or even a prude…but you won’t ever call me a booty call again.

M

09
Aug

As We Lay

By OBW 3 Comments
Categories: Sex

Who is at fault when an extramarital affair happens? Is it the married person’s fault…or is it the side piece’s fault?

When you enter into a marriage, there are vows; you know, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part…all that. You stand before a judge, priest, preacher or what have you, and witnesses and promise to love and honor and cherish each other. It is a commitment, a ceremony that binds the two of you together. That does not include anyone else. So when you step outside of this marriage to lay with someone else, you have broken a commitment. That’s some deep emotional shit.

So what causes someone to look outside the marriage? is it just for sex? I have known men and women that are getting plenty at home, but just can’t give up that extra piece on the side. Then why be married? If you feel the need to still go out and fuck around, don’t get married. That seems pretty plain and simple, right? But I think marriage provides a comfort, a safe place. Some marriages are simply arrangements…you take care of me, I’ll take care of the house, we’ll raise the kids…but you do you, and I will do me.

Side note: if you are going to cheat on me, that heffa better look better than me or we really gon’ have some problems. That chick that John Edwards was cheating with? He should be ashamed…but then again, that just goes to show you that looks really have nothing to do with it. There is something else there, something deeper than her fat ass, or his cute dimples…

I worked with this dude who played on his wife with a lot of different women in the office. He dated his wife for a long time before they got married, and he put all these conditions on her before he would even propose. Things like getting her credit in order (now this one I kinda understand), losing 30 pounds…he even told her that she needed to start dressing and looking better when they went out! And she did all that…now mind you, he was cheating on her while they were dating, and that shit continued when they got married. She had absolutely no clue and quite frankly, I don’t know if she ever found out. Dude wasn’t the most attractive guy in the world, but he was nice and would do anything to help anybody…that was his M.O. Once you got sucked in, you were caught in the web. And he sucked this one girl dry…two abortions, and she is still running after his ass. That is when it gets dangerous. When the side piece falls in love…what do you do then?

What about the side piece? What makes them do what they do? They know that the person is in a committed relationship, yet they take the jump anyway. Maybe it is the thought that since that person is married, the relationship can’t go anywhere so the heart is safe…that shit is so wrong, I can’t begin to tell you. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that spending time with someone, along with fucking them, will stir up some emotions…when you enter into an extramarital affair, you are putting your heart at risk. you can’t win. And even if that person leaves his husband or wife for you, how good or long do you honestly believe your relationship will be or will last? Think about that shit…you were the pussy/dick on the side…what makes you think there won’t be another to come along?

Do I sound angry? I don’t mean to…I’m curious. It just doesn’t make sense to me the drama that people bring upon themselves…shit, I’m the first person willing to admit that I like sex, but I don’t want the drama so I will pass up on getting some if it means that I can live in peace.

08
Aug

A Mother’s Love

By OBW 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I’m not ready. I still remember holding him in my arms after he was born, that tiny (well, not so much; he weighed 8 lbs, 8 ozs., but you know what I mean) little human who I was now responsible for. I promised to take care of him, and love him, and protect him, and never do anything to hurt him…emotionally or otherwise. We’ve had good and bad times, but for the most part, I’ve kept those promises.

My son is turning 13 tomorrow, and I’m not ready. Not ready to loosen the reins just yet. I’ve afforded him freedom to find out who he is while he has traveled through his adolescent years, but this teenager-dom scares the shit out of me. Probably because I know that he will need me less and less, and will begin to rely on himself more. My words will become “mother’s” words, and may not get through as much anymore, you know? It will become what his friends say and do that will have influence over him.

I’m scared, but I think its a selfish thing. Because if I am being truthful, his father and I have built a pretty solid foundation with him. He knows right from wrong, and just because he’s entering into teenage-dom doesn’t mean that we turn our backs on him and let him run free. Our roles must change, that’s all. I guess the fear is just the fear of change and of the unknown. I have loved this boy with all my might for 13 years, and that won’t stop…ever. Even though he doesn’t realize it, I still know him better than he knows himself, and where he is going, I have already been. One of the things that I believe is that some mistakes you simply have to allow children to make in order for them to get the lesson. I don’t know what God has planned for him; I can only keep praying that God keeps him safe and bounds him in protection and covers him with his grace and mercy.

The relationship between a mother and her son is one that is special and endearing. I want him to be a responsible and honorable young man…and one of the things that his father and I have instilled in him is the belief that he can do anything that he wants. I love to hear him talk about what he dreams of becoming, what he dreams of doing with his life…where he wants to go to college, what career he wants to pursue, how he plans to achieve those dreams. I have always told him to dream his dreams, and with an education, he can do anything he wants. We are open with each other in this home…no secrets, no lies, no holding back. An open line of communication is critical to ensuring that we stay on course with each other.

We went and picked up his first cell phone today and I just about cried in the store. I know its a small thing to some, but to me it just signified the finality of his childhood and his entrance into this era of the unknown. I called his dad and told him that I wasn’t ready…he told me that I had a few more hours to get myself ready because it was coming. And then he said that I didn’t have to do it alone…

I have been blessed thus far…it is my prayer that the blessings continue and that the challenges that will cme (because I’m not that naive to think that they won’t) will be surmountable and that we will get through them…together.

03
Aug

Welcome Back!

By OBW 1 Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

To be honest, I just missed her. I’ve gone round and round, up and down, and tried to ignore her, but she is still here…in my heart. So she’s back. I believe that OBW will be used mainly as a portal for my views on relationship issues; I have so many questions, so many things that bother me, and sometimes I just feel like cutting lose and it somehow doesn’t fit with what is going on over at The Marvalus View. So here we are…

I have an idea…I would like to use this place to discuss relationships: between men and women, between family members, between friends. The dynamics are so complex and there are so many layers that I probably am digging a hole for myself, but this will give me a chance to get your opinions and open up some discussions on some things…

I’m no therapist, but I do believe in a good conversation with a girlfriend. Consider this a place where you can have one of those good conversations. There will be music (because there is always music), and laughter, and some craziness involved…things will get a little raw! But I invite you to share your thoughts and feelings and viewpoints…welcome back to OBW!

M

August 2008
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